Saturday and Sunday were days of fear and uncertainty. We knew very little. Dr. K had mentioned something about diffuse b-cell lymphoma, but that meant very little to us. We did a little research on the internet, but kept coming across phrases like “aggressive,” “fast-moving,” and “pervasive.” So we stopped looking and started waiting. There was nothing we could do. Nothing to do but wait.
“Braxton has cancer.”
Nothing to do but wait.
The days of fear and uncertainty were very difficult. We knew little. We feared much. How do you prepare for the worst when you’re dealing with the life of a loved one? Life’s lessons may lead you to the place where you can face a terminal illness in yourself, but nothing can prepare you to watch your child confront such possibilities.
As parents, our weekend was spent divided between acting as if nothing had changed and making phone calls to friends and family. Talking with friends and family was frustrating because we knew so little. Every phone call served only to increase the sense of fear and uncertainty which already overwhelmed us.
And there was also the issue of telling Braxton. How do you tell a thirteen year-old he has cancer? How much do you tell him? Especially when you still know so little yourself?
I think the weekend was most agonizing for Beth. She was devastated by the news on Friday, crushed by the weight of uncertainty, and humbled by the prospect of telling Braxton. By the time Sunday arrived, her suffering was reflected by dark rings under her eyes. In the entire time I have known her, I have never seen her so sad.
We did not tell Braxton until Sunday morning. Beth wanted him to have a worry-free day of fun before having to deal with the knowledge of cancer. So on Saturday Beth took Braxton and Zoe out to lunch and then to the movie “College Road Trip.” She would have taken Bayley too, but Bayley had a speech meet.
When the time actually came to tell Braxton on Sunday, Beth did very well. She had been crying most of the weekend and was really worried she would break down in front of Braxton, but she didn’t. She was very calm as she told Braxton that he had cancer. And she did not burden him with the same fear and uncertainties that we had struggled with over the weekend. She simply told him that cancer had been found in the tissue that had been removed from his leg and that we would be taking him to the clinic for some tests to see if any cancer had been left behind.
We shared the news with Braxton in the morning and then his dad came and took him out to lunch and a movie in the afternoon. While fear and uncertainty stalked us at home, Braxton was allowed to have some normal kid fun before facing the full diagnosis on Monday.
+ DH
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